Feeling Fine

Fine. Does anyone know what that really means?
Freaked out, Insecure,Neurotic, and Emotional.
It is the definition of my life, I will never be good, or okay, or great. I will fake it, but I will always be fine. I learned years ago that the things that make you happy don't always work out. I struggle finding the light, and finding the happiness in situations. So I will pull on my big girl pants and put the lipstick on, but I will inside be broken and crying. All I wish for are comforting arms to wrap around me in a hug, to tell me it will be alright and I can let it go.
That will never be, because my walls are built up again, my eyes swollen shut- no more tears I swear.
I can be happy for them, and I can smile and laugh, but my true happiness will come when I finally let it all go and can live free with the person who helps me break down those chains.
So here is to feeling fine!
Let's celebrate that I have gotten this far and can still go on with out any one noticing the pain I am suffering through. I still hurt from my past, and it's left such deep scars that its gonna take a miracle to heal this.
Maybe I'll get lucky, you know you can only wish so much and then you realize dreams, wishes.. they are just a figment of your imagination. The day someone convinces me they are real, is the day I might just believe again.
So, world I will be fine. I am fine. That's what I'll say when they ask, and they will go on there way, little will they ever know!