Butterflies fly around my room and sparkles from the sunlight drift in as if it was a fairy tale. But it is one, always was. The day you wake up from childhood and step into adulthood is the worst day of your life. You can never go back, which means you spend the rest of your life desiring to be that little child again. The never ending dream of catching butterflies and frolicking in the sunshine, not caring how you look or having to impress anyone with your actions. Its really a sense of freedom.
One day I will die and be free of those tedious adult thoughts.
The closest I get to that Child inside me is when I dance. Drifting across the wood floor, slipping away into a sense of happiness that is short lived and simple. Feeling like you can fly across the floor in a flash of twirls and dips and steps. That couple seconds of feeling when you feel absolutely free. NO one can take it away from you. You close your eyes and get lost into the music. It's as if you stepped into a painting and all the colors wrap you up and move you around till you can not stop them anymore and you give in to the music. YOU run, and walk and jump. You do anything you want to do, because you can.
I want that forever. That's my reason for dying. That is the reason I can't wait to slip into a sleep I won't wake up from. So I can be eternally young. I can finally be free. No more pain, no more decisions and no more baggage. The only tears I will be shedding is those of pure happiness. Glistening like diamonds on my cheeks, they will be full of memories that I can let go of and be the little child I have always been.
Really we all are children we just get to a point where we cover it up with superficial characteristics, because we think that the word "childish" means something not worth our time, as if it has no importance. Ironic isn't it? Cause deep down inside we all know that the Child inside of us makes us who we are. It's the best part of us.
Saturday, May 16, 2015
Relationship Trama
I suck at relationships, no I really really do. My current boyfriend said to my face that my best friend makes a better girlfriend than I do... I am over that being hurtful though. I have learned that when it comes to relationships its honestly best to not have one until you are ready. But when you do find that special someone here are a few tips you should keep in mind.
I know from experience that you have to give and take, not one person can lead a relationship.
You have to love openly and embrace any chance you get to show how much you care, because you really never know if you will get another chance or not. No one deserves to feel as if they are shunned for their outward looks or for their character. You shouldn't have to change who you are to be with someone. They should love you unconditionally for all your faults and all your baggage.
When you are in a relationship with someone, your baggage is theirs and their baggage is yours. You work as a team and you help pull each other out of the rough spots.
Most importantly you speak the truth, and not in a negative way. You are honest with them, and you don't gossip or go behind someone's back and tell all their friends lies. Don't exaggerate to them, and don't do it to yourself. Your worst enemy is yourself. Only you have control over how you process data and information.
For example, when I get overwhelmed with relationship problems, I blame them on people I shouldn't and I tend to get myself worked up a lot. These things are really not good for me since I have a tendency to think about suicidal thoughts when I get overly stressed. I am my worst enemy and I have to tell myself that all the time. I have to remind myself when no one else is there for me that I am gonna make it through and things will be better. Relationships are hard work, but at the same time they shouldn't always be like that. You shouldn't have to struggle every day to breathe, or to be communicating, so if that's what is happening take my advice and leave that person because if they don't make you a better person by being with them, than they aren't worth it.
I know from experience that you have to give and take, not one person can lead a relationship.
You have to love openly and embrace any chance you get to show how much you care, because you really never know if you will get another chance or not. No one deserves to feel as if they are shunned for their outward looks or for their character. You shouldn't have to change who you are to be with someone. They should love you unconditionally for all your faults and all your baggage.
When you are in a relationship with someone, your baggage is theirs and their baggage is yours. You work as a team and you help pull each other out of the rough spots.
Most importantly you speak the truth, and not in a negative way. You are honest with them, and you don't gossip or go behind someone's back and tell all their friends lies. Don't exaggerate to them, and don't do it to yourself. Your worst enemy is yourself. Only you have control over how you process data and information.
For example, when I get overwhelmed with relationship problems, I blame them on people I shouldn't and I tend to get myself worked up a lot. These things are really not good for me since I have a tendency to think about suicidal thoughts when I get overly stressed. I am my worst enemy and I have to tell myself that all the time. I have to remind myself when no one else is there for me that I am gonna make it through and things will be better. Relationships are hard work, but at the same time they shouldn't always be like that. You shouldn't have to struggle every day to breathe, or to be communicating, so if that's what is happening take my advice and leave that person because if they don't make you a better person by being with them, than they aren't worth it.
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