Well.. I never thought in my entire life that I would be saying this, but I think I have met the man of my dreams- well not exactly. He is however the one, the only one I want to spend the rest of my life with.
He isn't the richest, he isn't the wittiest, he isn't the most romantic, and no he doesn't have a six pack.
But he is perfect in every way possible. I realized I don't need any of those things in order to have love. Yes, you heard me right, I said love. I don't normally believe in stuff like that.. hell I don't believe in it. But there is something there, and for lack of words lets just call it Love.
Our story isn't fascinating in any way. We didn't meet in the most corny or romantic way, in fact we thought nothing of each other when we met, only that we were friends and as we continued to spend time together we grew to be even closer friends.
He is so strong, although he doesn't want to admit it. I don't believe him for a minute. He has stronger and taller walls than anyone, but for some reason he trusts me with his deepest, and darkest fears and secrets. He tells me things he has never told anyone else.
He communicates and he makes me feel wanted, and special.
Now you're probably bored to death of this story by now, but just wait. For years now I have been hurt more and more by boys, and every time my walls get bigger and bigger. I don't trust and I certainly don't love. One thing I know for sure is to not put all my eggs in one basket, yet every day I keep putting more and more eggs in the basket till I woke up this morning at 3 am to the man of my dreams snoring loudly by my head.
HE really snores badly lol.
I couldn't look away, I was mesmerized. I kept telling myself in my head that I couldn't fall for him and that I need to protect myself, and as I continued this argument in my head I suddenly realized I was saying how lucky I was to have him and how I can't wait to be with him forever and yes, many years down the road have children with him.
I love him , and we aren't even dating.
Which brings me to my dilemma. I jumped the gun on sleeping with him before we even have talked about dating and now I am in love with him and I can't even tell him, I can't even call him my boyfriend, and for all I know he is banging 4 other girls just like me. Yet somehow I can't seem to think of him like that, I can only think of him as the most handsome man in the world sleeping next to me this morning.
So my question to you world, what now? Do I pretend to go on as if my feelings were nothing or do I let him know that I think he is the one? Let me know in the comments below.
Saturday, November 25, 2017
Wednesday, October 25, 2017
Fuck Love
Now its no news that I haven't found the right one yet.. but honestly I don't think I ever will and I'm not sure I want to.
FUCK LOVE. We actually can live without it, and boy would it be nice. Just imagine a world without the complications of relationships and dating and even hooking up? What if we all just said Fuck you and did our own thing? NO emotions, no strings and no hurt feelings. Sounds like a dream right?
What if I told you it could be real?
I am completely serious when I say I went on a love bender for 7 months and I survived.. no I THRIVED!!! It was as if I was on a super drug. I had the best memories, founded the best friendships and had no strings attached for all 7 months. I finally had freedom.
Now I am not one of those super independent girls who only wants her freedom, I love guys and up till now I was totally a romantic, just read my other shit, but what I figured out during these last 7 months is that I didn't need a man to make me happy.
Often social media and society makes us feel as if we are inferior if we don't attach ourselves to a man. This is soooooo wrong! Women everywhere are emotionally burdened with this idea that they can't make themselves happy and have all they ant without marrying or hooking up or getting hitched to a guy or gal.. your preference. Take it from an expert in the romance field, when I switched the "love" switch off it was as if my life flipped for the good. I had way less stress, I could be me, like really be me. No one to check in on and no one to burden down my plans. I was always in control.
Now I know your thinking ok, but what about the pleasure factor?
You don't need it from another.. that's what technology is for! We have so many sex toys in this world I'm pretty sure you can get away with out having sex for the rest of your life. Besides then you don't have to worry about getting pregnant!! It's seriously a win win. Don't diss it till you try it!
So join me folks in my new campaign- FUCK LOVE!!!
FUCK LOVE. We actually can live without it, and boy would it be nice. Just imagine a world without the complications of relationships and dating and even hooking up? What if we all just said Fuck you and did our own thing? NO emotions, no strings and no hurt feelings. Sounds like a dream right?
What if I told you it could be real?
I am completely serious when I say I went on a love bender for 7 months and I survived.. no I THRIVED!!! It was as if I was on a super drug. I had the best memories, founded the best friendships and had no strings attached for all 7 months. I finally had freedom.
Now I am not one of those super independent girls who only wants her freedom, I love guys and up till now I was totally a romantic, just read my other shit, but what I figured out during these last 7 months is that I didn't need a man to make me happy.
Often social media and society makes us feel as if we are inferior if we don't attach ourselves to a man. This is soooooo wrong! Women everywhere are emotionally burdened with this idea that they can't make themselves happy and have all they ant without marrying or hooking up or getting hitched to a guy or gal.. your preference. Take it from an expert in the romance field, when I switched the "love" switch off it was as if my life flipped for the good. I had way less stress, I could be me, like really be me. No one to check in on and no one to burden down my plans. I was always in control.
Now I know your thinking ok, but what about the pleasure factor?
You don't need it from another.. that's what technology is for! We have so many sex toys in this world I'm pretty sure you can get away with out having sex for the rest of your life. Besides then you don't have to worry about getting pregnant!! It's seriously a win win. Don't diss it till you try it!
So join me folks in my new campaign- FUCK LOVE!!!
Monday, September 25, 2017
New Start
Not all of us get the chance to be able to basically start our lives over again and change our lifestyle so that we can benefit more from it. For example those of us who have suffered from depression, or suicidal tendencies, or drug abuse and alcoholism don't often get to pick up , move away and start fresh as if nothing happened. I am one of the lucky ones that was offered a second chance. and you can have one too.
Now before I get started let me be clear, I am not here to preach to you or make you believe in something and guilt you into is because its the only way. I am sharing my experience and you have every right to agree or disagree, as long as you fully understand acknowledge that there are other views out there other than yours that may have good points.
So to get started let me give you some background information, I was raised in a very conservative and religious family that eventually broke apart due to physical and emotional abuse. I still believe in God and He has always been a constant in my life even when I have strayed so far from His path that I feel like my life has no meaning.
When I was 14 I left home to go live with my other family members to protect myself from any further abuse and for so long I struggled with many issues regarding that decision, even still to this day, but that is for another time and place. Growing up in that household as a teenager I became exposed to a liberal and less religious view than before which caused a lot of inner fighting on what view was right and wrong.
Fast forward 6 years and I have been in college for a year and a half, I am an alcoholic, depressed, substance abuser, sexually abused, and stressed out by the amount of work load I put on myself because I was trying to distract myself from everything that was going on in my life. Never would I have guessed as a 14 year old that I would one day get to the point of such depression and loneliness that I would try to commit suicide by drug overdose. Neither did I know that it would impact my life in such a severe way. For example, I will never be able to be in the military, have a government job, pass a mental or psychological test- which in today's day and age is significant for a lot of reasons. Yet still there I was at the lowest point in my life and all I could think to do was reach out for help and pray to God that I would be rescued. And low and behold I was.
That's where my real story happens. I got a second chance. I was given the opportunity to pickup and leave everything behind and start over. I was provided for by family, friends, strangers and then God out of it all showed His grace towards me. I started walking in His path again and somehow all those things I had always worried about, financial issues, transportation, living situation, social interaction, job, and others, He provided.
I'm not saying I sat around and did nothing- it took a lot of work on my behalf and others to get here, but I wouldn't have had the opportunities to start over or the resources given to me if GOD hadn't opened those doors.
So perhaps you are struggling and starting to see yourself wavering and falling towards a cliff, just reach out because you would be surprised at how much God wants you to be apart of His eternal family.
Now before I get started let me be clear, I am not here to preach to you or make you believe in something and guilt you into is because its the only way. I am sharing my experience and you have every right to agree or disagree, as long as you fully understand acknowledge that there are other views out there other than yours that may have good points.
So to get started let me give you some background information, I was raised in a very conservative and religious family that eventually broke apart due to physical and emotional abuse. I still believe in God and He has always been a constant in my life even when I have strayed so far from His path that I feel like my life has no meaning.
When I was 14 I left home to go live with my other family members to protect myself from any further abuse and for so long I struggled with many issues regarding that decision, even still to this day, but that is for another time and place. Growing up in that household as a teenager I became exposed to a liberal and less religious view than before which caused a lot of inner fighting on what view was right and wrong.
Fast forward 6 years and I have been in college for a year and a half, I am an alcoholic, depressed, substance abuser, sexually abused, and stressed out by the amount of work load I put on myself because I was trying to distract myself from everything that was going on in my life. Never would I have guessed as a 14 year old that I would one day get to the point of such depression and loneliness that I would try to commit suicide by drug overdose. Neither did I know that it would impact my life in such a severe way. For example, I will never be able to be in the military, have a government job, pass a mental or psychological test- which in today's day and age is significant for a lot of reasons. Yet still there I was at the lowest point in my life and all I could think to do was reach out for help and pray to God that I would be rescued. And low and behold I was.
That's where my real story happens. I got a second chance. I was given the opportunity to pickup and leave everything behind and start over. I was provided for by family, friends, strangers and then God out of it all showed His grace towards me. I started walking in His path again and somehow all those things I had always worried about, financial issues, transportation, living situation, social interaction, job, and others, He provided.
I'm not saying I sat around and did nothing- it took a lot of work on my behalf and others to get here, but I wouldn't have had the opportunities to start over or the resources given to me if GOD hadn't opened those doors.
So perhaps you are struggling and starting to see yourself wavering and falling towards a cliff, just reach out because you would be surprised at how much God wants you to be apart of His eternal family.
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