I have to be honest with you, and with myself. This person you see in front of you that is smiling and going about her life, is just a cloak for the real me. When I love, I love hard. I fall so hard that I break before someone can catch me. I've lost a lot of friends and a lot of people I have loved.
I seem to always end up pushing away every person and thing that is good for me. I always choose the hard way, and i end up paying the consequences for it. You'd think that by now I would see the cycle and break it. But instead I did see the cycle, and I chose to make it even worse, by involving drugs and alcohol. I am convinced there is something wrong with my wiring... cause this seriously sucks- knowing full well what your doing isn't what you want, but somehow your body and mind wont let you stop yourself. Its called addiction- its a REAL BITCH.
Stay away from drugs kids.
Anyway going on. I have been dealing with a lot of grief recently- basically most of my life because it never ceases to amaze me how many people I have lost. How many I have destroyed, their hearts and their trust. Don't listen to that voice that says you don't make an impact because trust me you do.
You make a HUGE impact. On every person you pass, whether you are acquaintances or more with them. Even a simple smile at a stranger is an impact.
You know a lot of people call me a quitter. I don't believe them, because I've never quit on one thing- my belief that I can feel whole and complete without love. I like to take the hard road because it teaches you reality, it teaches you life lessons. That's how you gain wisdom. That's where you get clarity when you get stuck in a tricky situation.
I learned, sticking with someone or something that shuts your emotions up is not healthy. I learned the truth about frienship- about love,about whether you mean something.
So many people think that they will never make something of themselves or succeed at life, just cause they didn't achieve this one thing they wanted. But that's wrong, because I might not have been a Broadway acctress or famous or been a top model, but I did succeed. I succeeded at loving many, bringing others together, walking long journeys and gaining strength. Personal success is more important than what anyone else wants for you.
Today, this Thanksgiving, I am thankful for a full life, so many memories, and the time I had here to impact others. I encourage you to chose to impact those around you with beneficial moments, and memories while you still have the time, because time is a precious thing and not to be wasted.
We might never have met, or we may have been close long friends, either way I hope that when you read this, you smile and you feel a warmth in your heart- because that's me right there with you telling you how important you are, and what a HUGE impact you are on so many, including me.
